Expectations can be tricky, especially in early sobriety, and even later on. After leaving rehab, it’s easy to believe that life will instantly fall into place.
When reality falls short of those expectations, though, it might cause irritation, dissatisfaction, or even a relapse.
Addiction has a way of distorting ideas and impairing clarity of vision. In active addiction, expectations often become unrealistic or totally off-target for reality.
That same kind of thinking could follow a person into recovery, eventually leading to pointless suffering.
Expectation is believed as planned resentment.
Accepting this idea is a crucial step toward finding peace in recovery. If our expectations are not met, resentment can take place. This is why knowing how to manage expectations can surely help one to stay on the path to recovery.
Usually, your expectations of someone’s behaviour depend on how you would have behaved in that particular circumstance. Still, this sort of thinking can be dangerous.
When you see a situation this way, you’re basing it on your own thoughts, experiences, and intentions. Unfortunately, this is not the same for the other party.
Perhaps, they would view things differently than you would, so they might respond entirely different from what you’re expecting.
If you already have an image in mind about a certain person or situation, you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment, which eventually leads to feelings of resentment.
Addiction is a disorder that may lead to distorted thinking, among other things.
An addict’s warped thinking will make them hope for things to be different. Such expectation could leave you stuck in the cycle since you will live in the belief that things will turn out okay soon. But as time goes by, you’ll be confronted with the reality that the results are not actually what you seem to be. In fact, things often get worse. If you want real change, you must practice a different way of thinking.
Once you start seeing things differently, you’ll recognise the disruptions that false expectations are causing you.
Think of that moment in time where you are expecting something from someone. Were they reacting in the exact same way you thought them to react or in a manner that is deemed unacceptable? What did you feel after that? Were you disappointed? And how did you respond?
If you’re able to answer these questions with all honesty, you’ll start to see how expectations can only result in resentments, which makes you to relapse.
Sure, it’s not easy to learn how to live without expectations. In fact, the process can be tedious. Yet, your efforts will be all worth it since the result is very liberating. When you do things for someone without expecting anything in return, you’re freeing yourself from how their reactions. You should not expect them to praise or repay you. The reason you’re doing it is simply because it is what you want. And in doing so, you’ll find real joy in the act itself!
“The more I expect from others, the less peace I have. But when I let go of those expectations, I feel lighter, and my serenity grows. Still, my sense of what’s fair or what I deserve can creep in and steal that peace. That’s when I have to stop and ask myself: Is this really worth it? Is it more important than my peace of mind and emotional sobriety? When I choose to value my serenity above all else, I can hold on to it – at least for today.”
- Third Edition Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 452
There are strategies you may use to pinpoint your expectations, therefore enabling you to perform the required effort to modify your mental processes and improve your peace and reduce your resentment.
- When you feel sad or frustrated, or even angry because of what someone does or says to you, do not be tempted to respond. Let a few moments pass before you engage with that feeling. Do not give in to your emotions. Find out why it is that you feel this way. Try to recall the last time something happened and what exactly was distasteful about the whole issue.
If possible, write down what happened and identify which things in particular have offended you. Was it because it fell short of your expectations? Were you expecting a particular answer but did not get it? Many times, disappointment results from expecting events or individuals to play out in a way that makes more sense to us.
- Start by being conscious – pay great attention to your ideas. Through constant practice, you can learn to see when you are expecting something from a person or circumstance.
This may need a lot of work at first, but over time, it becomes natural. Before disappointment can set in, find yourself in the moment, identify the expectation, and change your viewpoint. Practicing helps you to let go and modify your thoughts in a way that provides greater peace and harmony to your life.
- Own your thoughts. Maintaining sobriety calls for hard work, self-awareness, and a readiness to grow, not only when it comes to avoiding drugs.
Be ready to own your ideas and behaviour. Blaming others may be east. However, real change comes from realizing you have the ability to change your perspective.
Assuming responsibility is about gaining control over your life, not about guilt or shame. This is what actually changes the life of alcoholics and addicts. Once you adopt this kind of thinking, sobriety becomes the road to actual freedom.
Learning to identify previous and present expectations will help one to replace worry, fear, and rage with acceptance, calm and serenity. Living without expectations requires determination and practice.
Anxiety, worry, and rage can often result from anticipating things to go a particular way, only to be let down when reality does not line up. But when you release the expectation, you allow something better into your life: acceptance, peace, real serenity.
Letting go of expectations is a process that requires time, patience, and a willingness to shift your perspective. But it’s worth the effort. Such thinking may provide ample freedom not just from addiction but also from all those emotional struggles that often accompany them.
